I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
