shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.