my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.