Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Dude my mom stole all your condoms

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  (301): Dude my mom stole all your condoms http://tfl.nu/kyrw
  Replies (2) Good night (933) Bad night (1356)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"

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  (772): i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?" http://tfl.nu/6u9j
  Replies (20) Good night (967) Bad night (3834)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess

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  (706): so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess http://tfl.nu/py20
  Replies (88) Good night (822) Bad night (5509)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.

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  (631): I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song. http://tfl.nu/vyfy
  Replies (17) Good night (874) Bad night (4890)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.

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  (703): I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier. http://tfl.nu/rjab
  Replies (81) Good night (8367) Bad night (783)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...

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  (920): once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore... http://tfl.nu/uw33
  Replies (29) Good night (4688) Bad night (1076)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.

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  (765): how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol. http://tfl.nu/c7jp
  Replies (48) Good night (817) Bad night (6207)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.

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  (904): I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots. http://tfl.nu/ub1d
  Replies (16) Good night (3493) Bad night (1344)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?

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  (603): Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now? http://tfl.nu/rq4w
  Replies (17) Good night (2268) Bad night (3416)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.

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  (330): why is there cat hair all over my deoderant? (1-330): she wanted to smell more freshershest than you. http://tfl.nu/rk6z
  Replies (33) Good night (5878) Bad night (1690)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you

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  (780): I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you http://tfl.nu/csm9
  Replies (6) Good night (836) Bad night (3397)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.

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  (203): Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room. http://tfl.nu/4omc
  Replies (10) Good night (2937) Bad night (1240)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.

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  (570): Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning. http://tfl.nu/kez0
  Replies (4) Good night (1305) Bad night (559)
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  (415): View more from California

  Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.

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  (415): Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it. http://tfl.nu/rry5
  Replies (5) Good night (643) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?

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  (703): Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask? http://tfl.nu/w6jy
  Replies (4) Good night (430) Bad night (280)

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