His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.