its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
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dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
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I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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