I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
