She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
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She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
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she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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