dude i'm inner monologue high
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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