not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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