Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize