does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
