He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
