...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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