Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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