Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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