please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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