You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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