I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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