So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
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But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
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Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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