Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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