How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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