My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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