Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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