I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
