Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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