Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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