Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
