Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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