if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize