I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
