Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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