It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
