i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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