Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize