stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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