Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
