shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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