Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
