everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
