is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
