I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
