I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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