I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
