I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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