it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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