omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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