anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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