apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
