I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
