The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
