if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
