Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
