He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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