Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
