I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
