Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
