the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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