I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
