I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
