Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
