my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
