He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Terrible idea I love it
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
