Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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