I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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