In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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