I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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