I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
