remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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