How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
