tell your sister to shave her snatch
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
