was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
