She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
