I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
