I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
