So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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